This is a note for young women and for women of age alike. For those who hope for love. For those who are willing to risk for love. For those who dream of happy endings. While you are still waiting, here are some things you might want to remember before jumping in. But before I begin, let me share with you a little picture of how my dating life went.
EVEN BEFORE KING, I WAS ALREADY A QUEEN – A DRAMA QUEEN
I used to devote my time reading novels, watching romantic movies, and listening to love songs. Media gave me a picture of what love is like, and what it can be. I was able to relate to Rebecca Bloomwood’s shopping adventures, to the Bohemian’s take on freedom, beauty, truth and love, and definitely to Alicia Keys’ ifs.
But you see, media can either drown out God or draw you closer. Sadly, I tripped over the society’s ideology, setting the bible’s worldview aside. My whole college dating life was chaotic. Now young ladies, dating is not wrong, dating at the wrong time with wrong foundations is wrong. I dated the wrong guys, and I was the wrong girl to date in the first place. I wore masks, adjusted to whoever-I-was-dating’s standards, and pretended to be somebody I was not.
Then I remembered that I was a Queen. Yes, never a Princess. Princesses are cute. I was fierce. I was not a damsel waiting to be rescued by a Prince, I was already rescued by Jesus Christ my Savior. I was not a princess wondering what’s outside her tower, I knew I was in the right court. I was a glorious crown in the Lord’s hand, not a tiara.
So now as a Queen, how should I treat dating? How should you treat dating? Here are some dating ideologies I decided to stand for. These may be subject to ridicule, but that’s okay, I’m a Queen. 🙂
A Queen attracts a King. Dress, look and act the part. Know who you are, recognize your value, and find your fulfillment in God. Be THE ONE God designed for THE ONE. Though there is truth in opposites attract (like magnets), I believe that similars can attract. Before meeting King, I wrote down a list of traits, negotiable and non-negotiable qualities, my future husband would have. This not only guided me in identifying who, but also encouraged me to aspire to be a standard as well. I wanted to attract someone handsome, so I put an effort in looking at my best. I wanted to attract someone who loves God, so I focused on God and let Him do His job.
Put On Your Thinking Crown: – Write down the qualities that you are praying for in a man. – Write down the things that you are doing to prepare for THE ONE
A Queen has responsibility to her Kingdom. Ask yourself if this relationship will draw you closer to fulfilling your calling. Both your calling actually. Dating should have a purpose, which is to honor and glorify God from the beginning until you exchange your vows. While dating allows you to consider scrutinize the other person, and at the same time yourself, it should also be a time to find out how both of you can, together, help in building each other up now and in your marriage. That’s what suitable helpmate is. Hint: If you find zero interest in taking part in his calling (or lack of it), then you know the answer.
Put On Your Thinking Crown: – Discover your God-given calling. Put it into actions. – Write down your personal ‘mission statement’. It should define your life goals, direct your actions and guide you in decision-making.
A Queen fights beside her King. Like in the game of chess, the Queen plays a role in defending their Kingdom. While you are waiting, prepare for battle, prepare to serve, prepare to be a blessing. Marriage does not guarantee a “happy ever after”. But it is an opportunity to serve, pursue and enjoy God together, in richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. Oh, and learning a dish or two is a bonus.
Put On Your Thinking Crown: – Read Proverbs 31:10-31. Write down the qualities of the Proverbs 31 woman. – Think of ways on how you can become more like the Queen, God wants you to be.
ERGO, for those who hope for love, for those willing to risk for love, and for those who dream of happy endings, while you are still waiting, waste no time daydreaming. Singlehood is a season to cultivate the Queen God designed you to be, so you can offer your future kingdom more than just a pretty face. Don’t act like a princess locked up in a tower waiting for Prince Charming to rescue her, God already freed you. Now wear your crown, and carry on.